Moving on?

After my interview with the Fulbright committee last weekend I realized a few things about where I am standing at work. I walked out of the interview feeling confident about my skills, knowledgeable about education , and as if someone might actually appreciate what I had to say. It was very enlightening. I haven't felt that way in a long time. I originally went into education to feel like I could make a difference, and although I have my reservations about what would happen if I was lucky enough to receive the scholarship, I feel like I might actually be able to make a difference if I did.

I work with a wonderful team of people. we all get along quite well, do things outside of work together, and actually revel in each others successes and make ourselves available when there are problems. What I have started to notice this year has been my innate need to question every decision I make. Not to myself, but to those that I work with. I find this so strange, because while there are definitely areas in my life I don't feel confident about, teaching has never been one of them. When I started to think about why I did this, I realized that part of the reason I do it is that I have always been corrected, shot down, and otherwise told I was wrong in not so many words when I was around my teammates. I'm not sure they do it purposely, but it is the way I feel. It will definitely get you thinking that you are not good at what you do, which is sort of how I've been feeling lately.

As I sit and wait to hear about whether I am lucky enough to spend a year overseas, I am also pondering what I'll do if I am not. I think it is time for me to move on; not because I am unhappy at my school, or because the people I work with are horrible people, or even because I'm ultimately unhappy with my job. But, it is because I need to spread my wings; I need to figure out where my confidence in teaching went because I know I have it. I love trying things out, and knowing there is not one, and only one way to do things.